Joke: The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life
science classroom staring at a question on the final exam
paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast
milk."
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever
came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
Ummm... So far so good ...maybe.........
But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to
write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then
sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his
pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-10 11:37:14
Joke: An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man
is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to
punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "Woman, without
her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "Woman! Without
her, man is nothing."
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-10 11:36:05
Joke: A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology
courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who
thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little
Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by
yourself!"
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-10 11:34:32
Joke: Mother: "How's your history paper coming?"
Son: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the
Internet for research and it's been very helpful.
Mother: "Really?"
Son: "Yes, so far I've located 17 people who sell them!"
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-10 11:30:34
Joke: A university creative writing class was asked to write a
concise essay containing the following elements:
1. Religion
2. Royalty
3. Sex
4. Mystery
The prize-winning essay read:
'My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did
it!"
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-10 11:29:07
Joke: A High School English Teacher reminds her class of
tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would
be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury
or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about
extreme sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles
sympathetically at the student,
shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can
use your other hand to write with."
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-10 11:25:58
Joke: Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."
Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:
"Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-10 11:24:45
Joke: A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-10 11:22:25
Joke: A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify.
She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?"
A little girl raised her hand.
"Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?"
"It's a cow, teacher."
"Very good, Janie," said the teacher.
Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class. Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?"
Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know, Teacher. It's a big horny bastard!"
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-10 11:21:03
Joke: A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof! He's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the genie says to the professor.
The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."
