Joke: On a transatlantic flight, a plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was very strong and things went from bad to worse when one wing of the plane was struck by lightning.
One woman in particular lost it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
'I'm too young to die,' she wails.
Then she yells,
'Well, if I'm going to die I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable. I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman. Well, I'm fed up with it. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?'
For a moment there is silence.
Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare riveted at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
'I can make you feel like a woman,' he says.
He's gorgeous. Tall, well built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation.
The stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, he extends his arm holding the shirt to the trembling woman and says.
'Iron this.'
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-25 11:47:21
Joke: If women ruled..
Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
'Singles' bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.
A man would no longer be considered a `good catch' simply because he is breathing.
Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard would increase by 20 kg.
Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.
Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.
Little girls would read Snow White and the Seven Hunks.
Men would bring drinks, chips and dips to women watching soap operas.
Men would have to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.
Men would learn phrases like: `I'm sorry,' `I love you,' `Sure we can talk. Is now okay?'
Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.
Men would wonder what WE are thinking.
Men would pay as much attention to their woman as their computer.
Road rage would turn in on oneself.
Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.
Men would divide up chores with women so WOMEN could be horny.
TV news segments on sport would never run longer than one minute.
All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.
During mid-life crisis, men would get hot flushes and women would date 19-year-olds.
Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.
After a baby is born, men would take six weeks paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.
For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two year-old for six weeks.
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-25 11:43:02
Joke: 10 things about PMS
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, 'How's my driving? Call 1 800 ****"**.'
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-25 11:40:58
Joke: One day, Sally and her mother were washing dishes. Susie noticed that her mother was starting to get a few white hairs.
"Mommy, Why do you have so many white hairs?" Sally asked?
"Well, when you do something bad or hurt my feelings, I get another white hair." her mom replied.
"Oh!" Sally said.
She thought for a few minutes, got a puzzled look on her face and then asked her mother, "Why is Grandma's hair all white?"
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-25 11:39:51
Joke: My wife telephoned me because she couldn?t get the car started.
"I think there's water in the carburettor, she say?s"
"Dear, I say? if you know there?s water in the carburettor, why do you need my help?"
"Well it?s like this." She said? ?I put my foot on the wrong peddle and ended up driving into the swimming pool.?
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-25 11:36:35
Joke: 20 Things Guys Think Girls Should Know
1. We're not a bunch of barbarians as you think we all are.
2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a jerk.
3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5. Don't treat us like garbage - what goes around comes around.
6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reason's we're going out with you.
7. If you really liked us for who we are, you would let us believe that our mustache, beard, or sideburns look cool.
8. We never shave our legs. So Get over it.
9. NEVER ask us if you can put make up on us. It's just wrong.
10. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.
11. We absolutely do not care about The Backstreet Boys, 'NSYNC, Justin Timberlake, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
12. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something wrong.
13. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
14. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
15. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what you wish for.
16. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
17. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done.
18. Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.
19. Always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach.
20. We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway.
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-25 11:33:37
Joke: Do you know why woman don't fart?
Answer: Because they can't keep their mouths closed long enough to build up any pressure.
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-25 11:31:59
Joke: Top Ten Things Only Women Understand
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. "Fat" clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
And the number one thing women understand...
1. Other women!
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-25 11:30:47
Joke: A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy.
The doctor asks her if she has any questions.
She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"
Submited By: Anonymous
2004-02-25 11:29:27
Joke: This woman of forty, being a rather vain person, decided she needed a face lift. With her pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy. The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many years because of a new technique he used.
After the operation the doc told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that she could tighten as needed to keep her fresh young look.
The woman was pleased for several years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the doctor's office demanding to know why there where bags under her eyes.
The doctor replied, "Lady those aren't bags, they're your tits and if you don't stop turning those screws you're going to have a beard!"
